Hangovers

Last night was another one of those unintentional experiences at the bar, followed by mischief and a long line a mistakes which i have encountered too many times before. I`m curious to see if people share the same feeling the morning after that I have and had many times before. It`s been an ambition to quit going out and doing things that make me feel more "normal" and accepted into the society of regular people who don`t feel the obligation go out and make a fool out of myself every weekend. I have been doing better, but my strategy is still not perfect. I suppose it all starts with taking yourself away from the ones who drag you into going to the bar, and at least for now until i am out of the Marines it is more difficult due to the fact that I am constantly surrounded by those people. What I want to actually focus on in this post, though, is the deep trench of anxiety and depressing thoughts that consume your mind the day of your hangover. It may sound dark, it is what it is, but I would be doing something as simple as brushing my teeth and in the next moment I am overcome with a heavy anxiety that I could die at any moment and soon after i am visualizing a massive earthquake bringing down the building in which I am existing in crumbling crushing my body like a car tire versus a rabbit. And then I get stuck with the thought of how that might actually feel. Death is slowly becoming more of an entity in my life lately and I have not feared it nearly as much as I do now. I imagine that is the reason I live my life taking as many risks as I do, just so I can laugh at that near death experiences and turn fear into good times and memories. I don`t personally have any ambitions towards the regular things that people are motivated towards in life, a lot of those regular things to me don`t really matter in the big picture. I don`t want a big house or a fancy car or the white picket fence, I just want a life that isn`t wasted by not actually living. I am mature enough, or so I think, that I have to work for money in order to keep my dreams alive - and that is the only reason I have any drive while I am at work. Work hard play harder right?